


my darling, I miss you

by CharlotteDaBookworm



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bittersweet, Canonical Character Death, Dreams, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Nyx Ulric Lives, Regret, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 01:03:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21153014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlotteDaBookworm/pseuds/CharlotteDaBookworm
Summary: Regis smiled, beads sparkling against his skin.Nyx had never been happier.(His heart ached)





	my darling, I miss you

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own FFXV. The title and the interspaced lyrics all come from 'Who Knew' by P!nk

* * *

_If someone said three years from now _

_You'd be long gone, _

_I_ _'d stand up and punch them out _

_'_ _Cause they're all wrong _

* * *

The beads clinked as he rolled them in his hand absentmindedly, thumb gently running over the indents in the stained wood.

Nyx didn’t look, he didn’t need to; he already knew what was there. He’d carved every line.

He was nervous, palms sweating.

He couldn’t stop grinning, joy bubbling in his veins.

Regis walked into the room and Nyx turned, hand moving behind his back in the most unsubtle move ever. His lover just smiled at him, eyes soft.

_“Will you marry me?”_

Nyx laughed, the echoes of their voices overlapping, and the beads clanked in his hands as he fell backwards, onto the bed.

His lover, palm still held out with dark glistening rings inside, sat next to him. “Should I take that as a yes?” He asked in a dry voice that shook with restrained laughter and so much love that his heart ached.

“Only if I can too.” Nyx held out the beads, tears of laughter streaming down his face.

Regis grinned, bright and carefree as they exchanged promises.

Nyx had never been happier.

His mother had always told him the man he married would have to be as crazy as he was. She was probably laughing at him now.

“I love you,” he told him, knowing he would never be able to say it enough to ease the strength of it in his heart.

His _fiancé_ caught his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm and the ring there in a move that made him want to swoon. From the darkening of Regis’ eyes, he’d noticed.

“And I love you.”

(He cried, looking back- remembering)

* * *

_and that last kiss, I'll cherish _

_Until we meet again_

* * *

“Stay.”

Nyx laughed softly at the sleepy grumble of his lover as the man clutched at his arm, the warmth of him seeping easily into his bones, beckoning him back to bed and oh he was tempted. “Sorry, love. Drautos put me on the early shift because of the signing. I have to go.”

He didn’t move though, instead letting his fingers reach out and tangle in soft, greying strands – brushing them out of green eyes he loved.

“I have to go.” He said again, wanting nothing more than to never leave.

“I’m the _King_,” his lover whined, pouting sleepily, and Nyx’s heart melted a little more. He’d never been more tempted to call in sick in his life. “Stay with me.”

Nyx smiled. “Always.” There was nowhere else he’d rather be than at his side.

Leaning down, he caught pouting lips in a gentle kiss, pulling away before the man could tempt him to stay. As he leaned back, he brushed another kiss to his lovers left hand and the ring there, a silent promise, a reminder.

Regis whined as he stood.

“I’ll see you this evening, love you.”

Nyx left.

(He’d never regret anything more)

* * *

_And time makes it harder _

_I wish I could remember_

* * *

One day, weeks after the- after he- after everything, covered in blood and gore that wasn’t all his, Nyx realised that he couldn’t remember what shampoo Regis used. The man had loved it, never deviated from using it, and Nyx had even bought it a few times as a gift but he couldn’t remember what it was called.

He’d buried his face in Regis’ pillow hundreds of times, had washed the man’s hair for him dozens, but he couldn’t remember what it smelt like.

Nyx turned right around, hands shaking and still bleeding and so _angry_, and threw himself right into the next hunt.

(His heart hurt)

One day, months later, Nyx lay in bed and he realised he couldn’t remember his lovers voice, not really. He had all these memories, all of them faded and fading and failing, and he couldn’t remember the way his fiancé had told him he loved him. He knew that his voice had softened, that he’d smiled, and he’d been able to hear it in his voice, but he couldn’t remember what it sounded like.

He rolled over in bed and sobbed.

(He reached for someone who wasn’t there)

One day, Nyx struggled to remember insignificant mornings – ones that meant everything now – and simple chats and unassuming dates. One day, Nyx blinked and he realised that he didn’t remember the look on his lover’s face, the first time he’d kissed him.

He wanted to scream.

(He shook)

One day, each day, Nyx forgot a little more.

(He hated himself a little more every day)

* * *

_But I keep _

_Your memory _

_You visit me in my sleep_

* * *

He dreamt.

He dreamt of lazy mornings, curled up in bed together, legs tangled and hair sleep-ruffled and cheeks still pink, the soft scent of the detergent that the Citadel used and the musk of his lover’s shampoo and the spice of his own mixing and intertwining.

He dreamt of quiet evenings by the fire, sprawled out on the sofa, the soothing rustle of his lover turning paper after page and the gentle snck of a knife through wood, the crackle of wood-shavings falling into a fireplace and scent of the hot chocolate on the table and the spiced rum that they’re totally not drinking and Clarus definitely doesn’t know about.

He dreamt of days with Noctis, with Libertus, of laughter and teasing and rolled eyes every time they kiss, of silly arguments they could laugh over later and trying for surprises only to fail every time, of playing around with magic and listening avidly to lengthy rants and stupid politicians and idiot glaives and annoying friends.

He dreamt of the wedding they’d never had, of the quiet threats of their friends and the gentle congratulations and the bright smiles, of the Lucian rings on their fingers and the Galahdian beads in their hair, of the sun and the storm and the stars sparkling on water, of love and life and happiness and _time_.

He dreamt of the thousands of conversations they’d never had. He dreamt of the thousands that they did.

He dreamt of Regis.

(He woke weeping)

* * *

_My darling_

* * *

Regis smiled, beads sparkling against his skin.

Nyx had never been happier.

(His heart ached)

* * *

_Who knew_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I got bored, it was too early to go to bed, and I ended up listening to this song on repeat and go inspired. Sorry, not sorry


End file.
